:(

AAB B3. If you have been following my previous posts, then you'd know I am obviously disappointed with my results. I was so close yet so far. Yes, this bloody phrase again, "so close yet so far". My entire life has been a case of so close yet so far. I have been so close yet so far in so many situations they are now countless. I hate being almost there.

Another huge reason for my disappointment is that the B was for math. Of all the subjects that I had to get a B for, it had to be the one which I was positive that I would get an A in... If the B was in physics or chemistry maybe I would have took it better cause I would have been better prepared for that outcome. I was half expecting my physics to be a B anyways. It was probably careless mistakes that screwed me in the math paper. Its like a bloody joke huh...

Some people were telling me that my results were still good. To me, it doesnt really matter how good it is if it isnt as good as I wanted it to be. I wasnt on stage, I wasnt good enough. Its all about the targets that we set for ourselves, if I wanted to get 3B's and I received my current result, of course I'd be pleased. But I had aimed for a result which I failed to attain.

I know that some people are pissed at the way that I'm so sad even though I still did reasonably well. But please, understand that those were the results that I had been aiming for since the start of JC. And also, I think that for A levels, "doing well" is defined based on your personal target, as well as your course of choice. If your results are good enough to secure you a place in the course, you have done well. And I don't even know if I'll be able to secure that law interview with my current results. The B3 for gp was almost as disappointing as the B for math, its going to kill me later on in my life. It'll be a mistake that'll haunt me forever.

So my dreams of returning on founders day to receive my award will never come true. Just like the many other dreams and aspirations I've had but failed to achieve. I had always secretly wanted my parents to watch me receive my scholastic merit award on founders day, but now they never will. The last time they saw me receive an academic award, I was in primary 5. LOL. Now I don't know if they'll even get to see me receive an academic award again.

I'm slowly getting over it. I'm a little less angry with myself now than I was 2 days ago when I received my results. Maybe in a year or so I'll be able to put this behind me. I'm not joking, cause I know that at next years founders day, when a quarter of my cohort returns to receive their awards, Ill be in some army camp somewhere, feeling like shit and being unable to do anything about it. Whatever it is, I just know I won't get over this fast.

Like ZH says, life sucks.