1am on sunday morning

--------------------------------------------
shaun - slaves of singapore says:
zoukout must be damn boring tonight... cause you are not there

Education is dangerous: The Mafia only kills someone if they knew too much..... says:
fuck u

---------------------------------------------

we all love zh!

Time seems to pass more slowly now though.. It used to go by pretty fast when I first came in, but now that I'm nearing the mid term of my service it seems to have slowed down a lot. I won't say that life has improved or gotten worst, but at least I'm used to the army now. I know what to expect and how to get through each day.

My new posting is definitely more welcome than the previous one. Apart from the absense of regimentation, my colleagues here are also better educated so I find it easier to communicate with them. My job is also very fulfilling. I think its wonderful that I get this chance to work with people who are less privileged. It's been a real eye opener and I'm sure it'll stay this way till the end. I have a lot to learn from this new unit and I hope there will be a positive change in the way I view the world by the end of my service.

But no matter where you are in the SAF, as long as you're an NSF its gonna suck. I know I shouldn't be complaining here so I won't. But there's more to my job than meets the eye.

Apart from boring army matters, I've also gotten my driving license. Actually that's not such a good thing, driving is a pretty heavy responsibility. I used to just knock out in my parents' cars when I was younger not knowing that the person behind the wheel actually has to be alert all the time and possess the skills and judgement to maneuver through the local traffic. Anyways it was fun ridin and rollin with the gang on friday night. Hahahahaha.

Mambo tomorrow. Super crowded. But who cares, I cant go for another month.

464 days to ORD.

I know I can do it, this is an easier race than the A levels. Its just longer and more full of shit.

gosh i havent blogged for so long

i've been following the Myanmar protests quite closely and i'm very saddened by the recent developments... the use of violence as a means to disperse the crowds is really un-called for. its a bloody peaceful protest, why the hell must they use tear gas and guns and batons wtf.

i think its a very immature way to handle the situation. negotiations should be made with the people, see what they want first. i think the root cause of the problem was the rise in fuel prices, and then deep inside the people were already regarding the junta with much resent. the only reason why it has been so peaceful till now is cause of the bloody fear which the government strikes in the hearts of the helpless citizens. so until now there wasnt any real reason for the citizens to rebel cause they could still live with it.

but i mean like now you fucking double the price of fuel and expect people who earn so little to live with it? seriously wtf.

sometimes i really wonder why the world is like that and why all these people have to suffer. and i really feel sorry for them and i wish them all the best in their quest for democracy and i hope that one day they will be able to see democracy in their nation for themselves.

i hope the UN helps, and i hope the violence stops :(

pray for them

Wow a 201st post! I never thought this blog would come so far... I was browsing through the archives and I realized that I could actually watch myself grow and mature through all the posts over the last few years! Thats not to say I'm very mature now la but still.... lol. I actually don't want grow up :(

So lets talk about how all the guys in combat vocations have disappeared.. Everytime I drive past the ferry terminal on my way home from Helldon, I'll look at the distant shores of the Magical Island of Dreams and remember su who is 5km away pumping recruits who are 1 year older than us. But he'll be confined till the end of the month with his little recruits. And then theres Sheng, who disappeared on a 2 month trip to cheong sua in his tank in taiwan. I remember him too, every single time I log onto BNet to realize that our clan has been disbanded because he didn't renew the chieftain's login before he left. And theres GY, who's in combat but is somehow staying out to plague BNet with his proness. I remember GY everytime i get on BNet too.

Yeah ok sorry I just decided to blog about something random. And I really hope I get that transfer. Good night.

Proud parents of a 3SG:

shiet i have more photos but its on my razr which is like not usable now cause my sim card is in my non-camera phone so :(

but attending the aslc graduation was really fun, because i went as a civilian. the rank-holders (even the regulars) treat u so differently when u are a civilian, because when u are a civilian u have a voice and u cant be forced to follow orders just because they are orders. it was very amusing..... when i was a civilian and i went for military functions i took all these for granted, but now i can see the difference.

so when i went home i felt sad. one of the things that bothers me about servicenational is that your social status drops the moment you surrender your pink ic. we arent accorded the same amount the respect as we used to have been given as civilians. and i dont see a reason for this, how does this make the ymra function better? i dont see why they have to take away my dignity. i dont know if i should have just said that.

it also bothers me that i actually have to ask myself if i should or shouldnt have said that... if you get my drift.... lol wtf am i saying! i think im just whining, no point talking about change if you cant do anything about it right. goodnight

awww <3 remember how happy we were when we were young? i remember the exact circumstances in which this photo was taken. qing was showing su how his new 3310 had a cool game called snake2 which totally ownz snake1 on 8250 so we should all get 3310 and maybe one day in 2007 we could also use 3310's as like bricks and maybe like sledge hammers....

ok that wasnt what really happened. it was actually qing's birthday on 19 dec 05 and we somehow ended up at su's place but what i really want people to see from this photo is how cute and innocent the young qing was: no piercing, no game, but still the classic emo specs and the cool shortness :)

and the scary thing is that this photo was taken less than 2 years ago although it felt much longer... it makes me wonder how long ORD will take to come :((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

additional announcement:
su's popping on thursday who wants to come? i have a PLC carpark label and infinite tickets so if u wanna go contact me!!!! so far qing and i are going and su's parents arent in singapore or something so it wont be very weird or intrusive on the emotional moment of the elder su's putting on the no-pride 3 arrows/ chevrons/ mark of ocs-rejects (ok sorry) on su's sleeve because such a thing will not happen. i will nevertheless be proud of su because he went through sispec delta.

so heres a random update of what i've been doing up till now! and for a change ill do it in pictures, so i dont have to type cause i'm starting to become lazy and stupid.

(ok la not really..... i just found these photos in my phone so i thought i should put them here as memories)

18 Aug

absolut bling!

a random decision to drop by newton bar for an all night risk/ movie marathon! it was a super fun night full of funny random occurances that ill remember for quite some time lol :D

4 AUG

ACS barker scouts gangshow! Going back to catch up with the rest of the alumni and juniors was damn amazing. It was great seeing everyone again. And since I hardly go back to barker I went all the way to the clocktower just to pay dear Oldham a visit. I like this sculpture cause of the words on its plate:

Bishop Oldam so lived his days that others would have tomorrows.
We who are heirs of this great Institution must also surely play our part.
The past we inherit, The present we create
but to those who hope, work and play
The Best Is Yet To Be

-T. W Hinch, Principal, ACS

So now we know where those words printed at the top of the acjc classroom block came from! Haha its actually very meaningful, i should try and remember these words as i go about in the course of my daily life and perhaps i'd be able to live a more fulfilling ns life?

Random date in late july

Qing and I were starbucks-ing at paragon when suddenly:

whatuf

whatuf X 2

whatuf whatuf whatuf!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yeah... this group of people appeared in star wars costumes and they actually went to the counter to buy coffee so that was pretty hilarious lol!

Ok more updates soon!!!

ARGH THE FORMATTING FOR THIS ENTIRE POST IS SCREWED UP CAN SOMEONE TELL ME WHY ITS LIKE THAT? I DIDNT MEAN FOR ALL THE WORDS TO STICK TOGETHER AND BE SO HARD TO READ BUT WTF IT TURNED OUT LIKE THAT WTF. maybe its my blog skin, i should change my blog skin i've been meaning to do so for a long time...

wow time really really flies, su is coming back already. 3 weeks just flew by so fast, i hope its like that all the time!!! anyways we're all quite proud of you su, you're one of the only few fighting fit personnel left among all of us.... hahahaha

oh shit, 4 more hours to my book in :( :( :(

SLEEP
and su's plane will land even before i book out how sad

so i've got half an hour of my birthday left to go....

i guess im happy la, while army has lowered my standards of what to expect it still was a meaningful and fulfilling day so thank you for today if you were part of it.

1 more birthday holding 11B ENDURE!!!!!!!!

i just read auguries of innocence by william blake. such a familiar poem, every barker boy can relate to the starting verses :

To see a world in a grain of sand
And a heaven in a wild flower,
Hold infinity in the palm of your hand
And eternity in an hour.

i love this poem so much because it celebrates youth, and innocence, and purity. it represents everything we've lost to the organisation. blake is so cool because the general theme of most of his work revolves around stuff like these, and also his dissatisfaction at the moral state of society. so these are all things that i believe in also and i can really relate to him and i think thats cool.

ok, i would elaborate more but like im really tired i need to sleep now lol SOMEBODY GET ME OUT OF HERE.

:(

i wish you guys were around for me to share moments like these with. i mean like, theres so many newbs in the world to own before ord, i cant possibly do it alone right?! its like an uphill task, pwning these newbs all by myself. i feel so lonely and powerless, fighting against this mad rush of newbs suddenly bursting in my direction the moment i create a game on BNet. i feel like im the only pro left on BNet now that all of you are in army :(

and like since xavier is like a newb like the rest of the newbs in the world it wont make a difference after he OOTs. i need someone like su or wong or chang or manav or whatever :(

ok la im not that serious about dota la hahaha... army has made me realize that life is more than playing computer games and owning noobs on bnet. life is about spending your time well and being a blessing to others and doing good things and being the person that god wanted you to be.

but its so hard to be like that in the army. i need god to empower me, i need god to give me strength to be different and do things right for once....

HOW TO BE A CLERK 101

HOW TO BE A CLERK IN THIS ORGANISATION 101

1) Don't let anyone know what you are doing

2) Act blur in all situations

3) Don't stay in your office if your officer is around

4) Intimidate your colleagues (especially if you are the new guy), so that they wont dare to throw shit at you out of fear.

5) Lunch time is an entitlement, not a privilege. You are given 60mins for lunch, TAKE ALL OF IT, IT IS YOUR RIGHT.

er lol im damn sick of this. actually i hate to be like this but its damn hard to be nice in the army cause people just take advantage of you and abuse you and abuse you and abuse you and abuse you and abuse you.

Haha the june holidays are over. I remember last year at this time, the A levels were speeding right ahead towards us. It seemed only just awhile ago that I was worrying about the impending prelim exams and the big monster behind it, the actual A level exams.

I remember the days of mugging late into the night in school like it was yesterday. I remember comparing Math mock paper answers with Chang in the void deck at 10pm, and also the long Physics discussions with Zhenghao. And how the auntie at the snack stall remembered exactly how I liked my coffee (thick and creamy, "nong nong" as she would call it lol). I remember the secret balcony up at the top level of Oldham Wing where I could retreat to mug quietly if I got sick of the library, hub, canteen, void deck or lt3. I remember the Venti Starbucks Christmas Blend with warm milk that I would take back to school from the Holland V Starbucks almost every day. I remember the good times and the fellowship and the encouragement that we all gave one another towards the end.

All these are lost now. The army is a terribly depressing and un-motivating place to work in. Everyday we follow the same fucking routine and the only variation we get is the variety of sai gang which we have to do which is seemingly infinite and who's scope is endless. The people I meet here are mostly selfish and unkind bastards who only care about their own welfare, and saving their own asses when shit happens. Unit life truly sucks.

But lifes like that ORD is coming soon and God gave me an un-expected encouragement gift 3 days ago which I am very excited about and I really thank him for his grace in this matter.

Ok heres more pics of the days leading up to November 17:


over here is a 2 S paper student who's wasting his life away to stupid card games 1 month before the A levels start ( little did he know that for 2 years from jan07 he'd have all the time in the world to waste his life away)


another shot of the dumbass, this time joined by another dumbass looking over his shoulder admiring how dumb the stupid card game truly is.


a younger johnny boy putting all his effort into studying hard for the A levels. GOOD JOB JOHNNY SHOW THE 2 S PAPER FAGGOT WHAT YOU'RE MADE OF GOGOGO

ok sorry but all these random ACJC nostalgia is just rushing back to me today I dont know why. Must be cause of the emo-ness I've acquired from the army.

early weekend!

my weekend starts tomorrow YESSS! on leave on thursday and friday to enjoy the remaining days of freedom with the gang.



WED 20 JUNE, SEE YOU THERE.

haha i stole this from shengs blog but its so funny i have to put this here lol lol





anyways, back to work tomorrow... then the fun starts again after 6pm on wednesday. i used 3 days of my annual leave to spend time with my buddies so im going to make the best of these 3 days and have as much fun as i can!

bah, im too tired to think anymore... cant be bothered to end this post properly. good night people

oh crap the weekend passed so quickly again hahahaha

Shit I had 5 venti vanilla latte's in the last week I feel like I've negated all the exercise I did during and after my bmt! I better go for a long run tomorrow morning. But its all my fault I should never have started drinking lattes they're more addictive than mambo music...

My 2nd driving lesson was good... Only stalled once and I'm starting to get used to the stupid retarded and gay but important half clutch technique, and I hit 50kmph for the first time which was kinda scary but exciting!

But really I'm trying my best to stay positive cause the next 20 months really does seem quite bleak for me... I need to look for stuff to occupy my mind with after I'm done with driving cause if not I'll just be rotting away in my office.

OK I shall end my short post here cause I didn't even intend to blog... just got really bored. So tomorrow the BMT school 2 people pass out and we're all set to have a super fun wednesday night! I CANT WAIT

Oh the anticipation! Oh the excitement and the thrill! The start of yet another work week in the SAF. And oh its so sweet that this tuesday marks the 2nd month of my acquaintance with my beloved 11B :)

So the weekend passed too quickly again, didnt even get to see sheng, chang or manav. But I'm glad that I've settled in to my office and I know how everything works now so I actually have stuff to do when I'm in there which makes time pass just a little bit faster... Spent most of the weekend shopping and bought like 2 shirts but whats more important is that i came across this:









OH JUST CHECK THESE BABIES OUT. The onitsuka tiger injector dx range is simply orgasmic! Too bad they cost like $199 and the special edition costs like $209, which is like all of my pathetic NSF pay. Looks like I'm going to have to ask my folks for cash again which kinda sucks cause it makes me feel like a loser who cant support himself but heck I AM A LOSER WHO CANT SUPPORT MYSELF :(

Ok, time to sleep now and until then I shall stay positive and ignore my sad predicament and look forward to short term goals such as ZOUK+NEWTON BAR ON WEDNESDAY or my very fun driving lessons.

And 2se1 peeps who are reading we should really go visit madam one of these weekends.. BMT guys damn free after june 13th so we can plan then!

OH YES THE WEEKEND IS HERE. But I've got this enormous shit load of work piled up in the office for me to do by tomorrow i worry i might have to stay late on my 2nd favourite day of the week :(

but today kinda passed real quickly BECAUSE i had so many things to do. time just flies when you are busy!

OK time for another random photo of the past when we were still oblivious to the horrors that awaited us after enlistment.

ok la this photo is almost 2 years old now so lets analyze it in the context of today.

1. gy used to look damn innocent OMG! how could that young and naive gy turn into such a horny and homosexual monster? must be our bad influence :(

2. arthur is wearing a jockey cap. this is very paradoxical as arthur is very lucky and will never have to wear a jockey cap in his life unlike us poor NSFs.

3. weizhi's right hand is in the classic "water parade" position, this is of course a very very horrible procedure to undergo in the SAF because we would most likely be embarking on some exhausting physical training session after the water parade.

4. 2 years ago you wouldnt have noticed DX was a part of this photo at first glace. now, you still wouldnt. Little did we know at that point in time that DX was practicing the skills of cover and concealment that he had honed to perfection during his NCC days.

5. I was wearing braces 2 years ago :)

6. we were all so happy then :)

OMG 3 POSTS IN 1 DAY WHY?!!!?!!!!

X says:
no love life
shaun - slaves of singapore says:
im in love with god
X says:
that sux
X says:
its like wanking



HAHAHA xavier owns

weekends,
the time of the week every NSF lives for.
a time for friends and good times,
a vague attempt to relive the glory of the old times.

for the coffee sessions (cigarettes included),
for the beer at newton bar,
for the fucking 9.50 movies.
weekends are all we have left, make the best of it boys.

sorry, i felt damn random cause i cant wait for the weekend :D :D :D
weekends are the only time i get to see familiar faces, because there isnt a single person in the entire camp whom i know from my past. and its damn sad and im damn lonely and i miss my soul which has been taken away on 12 apr 2007.

on a sidenote, i have regimental duty on fathers' day which is awful cause then i won't even be able to spend fathers' day with my dad. trying to buy someone elses sunday but its pretty hard cause no one wants to be stuck in camp for 24 hours on sunday :( pray i get it

sometimes i get emo and depressed and start thinking about freedom and a life free from the enslavement which i was subject to for the past 2 months. and when i think about how slowly these 2 months have passed, and that theres still 1 year and 8 months to go, i get like more depressed and thoughts of suicide flash through my mind and images of a bloody, violent death for my "captors" cloud my thoughts.

OK NO, dont get worried im not gonna kill myself i was purposely exaggerating it to make people scared. these 2 months have actually passed pretty quickly, before i know it it'll be christmas and then before i know it another christmas will pass and then ill see my pink ic again :D

i guess its always better to have a positive outlook no matter what you're going through. and if its really hard to have a positive attitude, just close your eyes and pretend its a dream. NS is just a dream, when we wake up in 2 years time we'll just forget about it and move on. We're actually so lucky that we're not regulars, for the regulars, NS is like a coma. They cant wake up. So pity them and dont hate them too much when they make you sign 3 extra, because they signed LIFETIME extra.

so thats they way i think of things now and i feel a little bit better. time for a run now and then coffee with friends later! only thing that sucks is im going to have to head home after coffee instead of going where we always go on wednesday night :(

but then again its all just a bad dream :))

hello im back on mainland for good now

contrary to popular belief, im actually quite sad that i had to downgrade. there goes my hopes of going ocs and commissioning in the safti parade square as an officer. but i dont have a choice la, the memories of the pain i went through in bmt are just too much to bear. sometimes my hip would hurt so much that i wouldnt even be able to sleep at night. i wasnt prepared to go though that kind of pain just to attain a rank and i dont want to go through that kind of pain again cause it really sucks.

but looking on the bright side, at least i get to book out everyday to see my parents and sleep on my bed and go online. and i can learn driving and get my license too! so it all doesnt seem too bad right now :)) but im gonna have to find ways to supplement my income or ill have to change my lifestyle. i simply cant survive on $350, spent $500 into my savings in just 2 months and i feel damn bad about it already...

went back to acjc with my class yesterday to collect our school graduation certs. the school hasnt changed one bit structurally, its still the same place i worked and played for 2 great years. but deep inside i know it has changed, an intake of no acsi boys and (increasingly) fucked up barker boys destroy the ac spirit and the influx of students from other schools diversifies the school culture which is a good and bad thing but i think its just a bad thing cause the thing that makes acjc stand out is our unique culture and our acs identity and that is being lost, sadly. i didnt want to admit it at first cause i was a barker boy but we really do need the acsi guys in acjc cause of they make up for like half our male population and without them now that vacancy is being filled up with like fucked up people.

dont get my views wrong i dont hate people from schools other than the ac feeder schools. but its just that theres too many of them now, just too many, so the school has to inevitably change for the (in my opinion) worst. i dont blame these kids, its not their fault. the blame lies with people i cannot name on this blog cause im too scared to do so. all i can say is that i think IB was a really bad idea, they could have just kept half of the acsi boys and sent the other half over to acjc but no, they had to keep all of them and give us like a very small handful.

ok i need to sleep now cause i have to go to work tomorrow and i have driving after that!!!

i miss those days

i miss those days

i miss those days

i miss those days

i miss those days

i miss those days

i wanna be 18 forever. i wanna lead the post A levels pre enlistment life forever. i know that even after ORD things will be different cause there'll be prep for university and we'll be like 21 already that would make us so bloody old and we'll have to be more responsible and stuff so we cant do stuff like make su go into the house of wax again :(

timetable for tomorrow :

1000 hrs - wake up
1030 hrs - do a few push ups (see a chinese doctor later if my hand still hurts)
1100 hrs - leave the house and head to the west
1105 hrs - call zh and sk
1200 hrs - meet sk to pass her my mp3 player if possible and zh for lunch
1230 hrs - meet phil to buy stuff
1300 hrs - meet the other guys
1330 hrs - buy the other stuff which i need for army
1430 hrs - have fun in town one last time
1430 onwards free and easy


so cool timetabling my whole day, then ill have to stick to it like im in the army. i've decided to revive this blog again, it'll be useful in storing my thoughts and memories throughout NS life.

she's the one that keeps the dream alive
from the morning
past the evening
till the end of the light!





yeah sorry i hate short posts too
so i promise to post properly soon?
lol

so many mistakes i make repeatedly despite telling myself not to commit them again

self conducted tour of smu yesterday was pretty fun. i guess its not a bad place to spend the last days of my academic life. the school is really very different, i've been to nus a few times already and i cant help but note that the two uni's are really very different from each other. its pretty hard to describe, i get a whole different feeling when im in smu. it almost feels like ac :)

in other news, im still real sad over my results, and my emo-ness over that is slowly infiltrating into other parts of my life. people have noticed and told me to fcuk off cause i didnt do that badly, but i didnt expect them to understand anyways so i dont care. ok nothing much else already, haha i've got a sore throat and a cold so im wondering if i should go for mambo tonight. i think i should though it'll cheer me up.

random advert : will be in acjc on friday, anyone interested to go?


emo emo get over it soon

:(

AAB B3. If you have been following my previous posts, then you'd know I am obviously disappointed with my results. I was so close yet so far. Yes, this bloody phrase again, "so close yet so far". My entire life has been a case of so close yet so far. I have been so close yet so far in so many situations they are now countless. I hate being almost there.

Another huge reason for my disappointment is that the B was for math. Of all the subjects that I had to get a B for, it had to be the one which I was positive that I would get an A in... If the B was in physics or chemistry maybe I would have took it better cause I would have been better prepared for that outcome. I was half expecting my physics to be a B anyways. It was probably careless mistakes that screwed me in the math paper. Its like a bloody joke huh...

Some people were telling me that my results were still good. To me, it doesnt really matter how good it is if it isnt as good as I wanted it to be. I wasnt on stage, I wasnt good enough. Its all about the targets that we set for ourselves, if I wanted to get 3B's and I received my current result, of course I'd be pleased. But I had aimed for a result which I failed to attain.

I know that some people are pissed at the way that I'm so sad even though I still did reasonably well. But please, understand that those were the results that I had been aiming for since the start of JC. And also, I think that for A levels, "doing well" is defined based on your personal target, as well as your course of choice. If your results are good enough to secure you a place in the course, you have done well. And I don't even know if I'll be able to secure that law interview with my current results. The B3 for gp was almost as disappointing as the B for math, its going to kill me later on in my life. It'll be a mistake that'll haunt me forever.

So my dreams of returning on founders day to receive my award will never come true. Just like the many other dreams and aspirations I've had but failed to achieve. I had always secretly wanted my parents to watch me receive my scholastic merit award on founders day, but now they never will. The last time they saw me receive an academic award, I was in primary 5. LOL. Now I don't know if they'll even get to see me receive an academic award again.

I'm slowly getting over it. I'm a little less angry with myself now than I was 2 days ago when I received my results. Maybe in a year or so I'll be able to put this behind me. I'm not joking, cause I know that at next years founders day, when a quarter of my cohort returns to receive their awards, Ill be in some army camp somewhere, feeling like shit and being unable to do anything about it. Whatever it is, I just know I won't get over this fast.

Like ZH says, life sucks.

12 more hours

it'll be the final gathering for the class of 06 in about 12 hours time. so sad, i probably wont see some of my school mates for the rest of my life.

i need to take it easy later, because i know i wont accept anything other than what i had set out to achieve. im still hoping the outcome is what i've been dreaming it to be, i dont know how im going to take it if isnt.

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm I CANT WAIT

Mmmmm so like as x pointed out to be just now in about 48 hours we'll be getting our results. I just cant wait, the huge amount of time we have between knowing when we'll be getting our results and receiving them causes a lot of unnecessary anxiety and etc.

Im actually very worried about the results, Im very afraid that I would not be able to to live up to the expectations I have set for myself. I just hope that I have done well enough, if not I would be very sad. But I have faith in Him, and thats all I need to carry me through till friday.

But I must say ah... its really damn stupid to judge students this way, through just one bloody crucial exam. Like since its just once then obviously luck will play a big part in it isnt it? Like how are we going to tell if smartest kid wakes up with a headache and cant think properly for the paper, while the dumbest kid guesses all the hard questions right. Seriously, exams like the O and A levels are damn dumb ideas.

Ahhh I hate the rain, because of the rain i couldnt go out today. I had so many things to do lar! now I just have to put it off till tomorrow.

I cant wait for friday.

i tried not to make this emo

I was going to make this another post-mambo post. but changed my mind cause there really is nothing much to talk about. Its always the same anyways, getting high and loving every second then waking up the next day feeling like shit.

So I realized that recently all my blog updates have become like post-mambo posts. How sad, its like I not longer feel motivated to continue blogging. I dont even know what im doing with my own life anymore, I feel so empty, I hate this emptiness. That big part of my life that involved going to school and being happy is suddenly gone, all I have left are memories. And even playing gets boring after awhile.

I was also accidentaly enlightened by someone about an issue I had already known but refused to accept. Damn it I'm being vague again it must be really boring and hard to read this blog. Sorry, I guess like only 5 people will understand what I'm talking about lol.

Moving on to happier topics, Qing believes that he is allergic to martini's.
















yeah ok I know stop laughing now.
But really qing i dont think its the martini, its probably the thing glennchee offered you that night lol.
yeah qing's nuts even when he's not high, its pretty funny.




and since you're all laughing already let me end the post with the funniest thing you've ever heard. its an sms from zhihuan in reply to one of my dumb responses to one of his serious sms-es. here it goes "Life isn't about getting laid cos you have hands. Its about finding your soulmate" lol yep thats the original version i didnt edit anything and i swear its the funniest shit i ever heard him say lol lol.

2 days ago i woke up and it dawned on me, the sudden realization that it was indeed again the most screwed up day of the year. 14 of feb can really piss u off. in secondary school when there were no girls no one used to care about it and all was well we would just treat it like any other normal day and go play lan after school or something, but then i went to jc right and suddenly everyone's making a big deal out of it and buying/making all kinds of crap for everyone else and all the girls are holding flowers and looking happy (for the first and only time in the entire year lol lol).

so being un-weird people we celebrated it the normal way, by trying to ignore this disgusting element of western tradition that has pervasively invaded our traditional and beautiful asian culture (ok la im exaggerating for kicks lol lol). mmmmm so anyways we met aaron after his lunch date to shop for stuff and got owned by some over agressive/enthusiastic shop keeper at far east. ok no we werent actually shopping at far east we were shopping for proper clothes then we decided to go to far east to buy random t-shirts.

so somehow we ended up at zouk, xavier's "2 friends" turned out to be a group of 10 people. Met loads of ac people there, loads of old friends, was real fun and crazy. about 12 of us met at the coffeeshop opposite zouk to have a drink which was more like several shots of vodka cause manav brought an entire bottle of absolut. mmmmm got pretty high even before we entered zouk and really it got worst but was real fun lol lol. lost the big group somewhere around 3am and thought it was going to get boring but guess what? lol ran into jan. so we hung out with jan's gang for awhile and etc.... taught qing a few important lessons about trannies lol, qing has a lot to learn about the hidden mysteries of gaysingapore. mmmmm so altogether had like 3 shots of vodka, 1 mug of heineken, 1 vodka sprite, another mug of beer, a lychee martini and many sticks of something lol. yep it was pretty fun getting all fcuked up and messed cause we're like 18 what better age to do so right...

learnt like moves for a few mambo songs too but they're all pretty gay i guess u can only pull em off if you're high hehehe.

mmmmmmm it was a great night hope to do it sometime again soon like tonight hehehehe.

It feels like the best days of my life are over, like I left my youth behind in jc. Its like I'm just living life for the sake of it now, just to pass time till the 12th of april. That was how I felt like at the start of this week, I suppose listening to VERY emo songs like the saddest song by the ataris also contributed to my lack of enthusiasm towards life haha. Listening to emo songs suck ah, it makes the happiest people emo.

But it is very gay la, it seems to me that I'm no longer having as much fun in my life. Its also very hard to find motivation in my job, its quite depressing to repeatedly attempt (and fail) to teach teenage boys who are completely indifferent to the intensions of yourself and the rest of the staff. But I dont think thats the reason why I'm so sick of my life now la, I dont really give a shit about how the normal acad guys turn out, because I kinda already know how they're gonna turn out.

Anyways later in the week I got less emo cause I started listening to happy songs like bohemian like you by the dandy warhols. So I'm happier now even though I really miss school. No other experience in life will be as fun as school ever was, and I dont think uni can be the same.

Moving on to happier issues, I hit 400apm in a battle yesterday woohoo! I guess this means I wont need to waste 100 on a stupid razor mouse if my good ol mouse can still do the trick!! Of course what I'm look for also is QAPM not APM, so I should work on that also.


But who cares about warcraft la, its just a game to me now. I no longer aspire to win wcg and such hehehe.

I still think thats its very stupid that we're forced to become mature now that we're out of school and have to take responsibility over our lives and everything that we do.

Aiyah fcuk la, theres a lot of things I wanna say but cannot. Ok bye I'm going to shop for sheng's present now hahaha

then a mile of warm sea scented beach

shouldnt have drank the wine before we went to zouk last night. yeah, i was a bit high and met (according to gy) pudge. then around 2am i got real tired cause i cycled earlier in the day but stayed on the dance floor to accompany clemens since it was his last mambo :)

at least im not hungover today. but GOSH, i need to control my alcohol intake to prevent another solo mid with pudge!!

K now for photos. every time i go cycling and i end up in some nice park ill take photos of the scenery and such. i think u guys will be suprised that there are actually such beautiful landscapes in singapore now. so enjoy :)

EAST COAST PARK



ya i mean its nothing compared to like the maldives but this is good enough after a long hard day at work. i love cycling down the parkway, listening to the waves crashing against the shore.



LOWER PIERCE RESOVOIR PARK




i accidentaly ended up here haha, after i cycled to the end of bishan park. i was actually looking for MacRitchie resovoir and i found pierce, but it was still nice.



BEDOK RESOVOIR PARK (cycling is actually not allowed in this park i had to get my bike over some steps before i got in)

from ground level:

from the top of the hill:

i took awhile to climb this hill haha, but the descent later was really fun too! i kinda found out why bikes were prohibited, because this hill has awfully steep climbs leading to it. if you dont keep spinning your pedals while climbing you're gonna slide back down and fall off your bike.

i know these photos arent that great, they were taken with my phone camera. the photos really dont do justice to the truly magnificent views, especially the pierce resovoir one. maybe one day if some of you follow me on my lil cycling trips you can see it for yourselves :)


this last photo has nothing to do with my cycling trips. its the zouk dance floor before it gets full of wildly gyrating drunkards, cigarette butts, spilt vodka, vomit, pudges and wasted youths. im so proud of it cause i could capture the lighting with my phone cam, BET NONE OF YOU CAN DO THAT haha.

I just had my worst ever day in barker. I took 4e1 today, it was so horrible. Before the lesson, I told myself that I would take it upon myself to teach them how to be real acs boys, and how to live up to the standards set on them by generations of previous batches. Before the period started, 3 guys got into a fight. I was not there when the fight started. Violence doesnt solve any problems, but when your IQ is lower than your age, you kinda wont understand that.

It was the period after recess, and as usual 4e1 spent their recess playing soccer at the futsal court. Hence, many of them were had their shirts unbuttoned and their pants rolled up like bermudas, classic scene from gangster student movie huh? After repeated attempts at making a student correct his attire, I put his name down for DC. Apparently this was a source of discomfort for him and his gang. Heres where I made my mistake, I put down another guys name for DC for laughing in a disruptive and jeering manner. Presumably at how I had to resort to using DC to deal with them. He got angry, they started being really rude to me. I could have said a million f words, but I tried my best to control myself. Then I lost it, I called them a bunch of useless cockups. Again, they were really offended by this. Apparently they were bothered by the fact that this was the kind of opinion the rest of the school(and public) had of them. They got even more rude and I more pissed off. I decided that I could not handle this class, I called for help. Mr Lau had always told me before he gave me a normal acad or lousy express class to teach that I could call if I couldnt handle them. But Mr Lau was absent today, so I called Mr Glenn Wong who then called Mr Timothy Wong.

He came up and sorted it out. I spent a long time cooling off outside the class while he was with them inside, I hadnt been so angry ever before. It was real bad. Mr Wong was pretty professional in handling it though, all he did was sort out the initial mess. He allowed me to choose what I wanted to do myself. He didnt ask me to take ALL the guys names I put in the CMR off, he didnt ask me to apologise to them for calling them useless.

Gosh, it was so bad. My entire day is now spoilt. I mean like I deeply respect Mr Ng for everything he has done for the school, and I truly believe in his cause. That some of the boys from the school can really be saved. But sometimes, I just think that maybe, we shouldnt have a normal stream. These are the ones that have little respect for teachers, little regard for the things they learn in school, and a huge impact on the reputation that generations of previous ACS boys have built up (or has helped to enhance the notoriety that previous batches of barker boys similar to them have earned for themselves?)

I know that deep down, these guys are pretty nice, because I had a pretty good chat with them after the whole incident. 4D1 is another normal class that I teach all the time, and I have a pretty good relationship with them. Sometimes I even look forward to my lessons with them. I suppose Ill have to learn how to deal with these guys. I learnt a very important lesson about teaching these guys today. I hope that one day these boys will learn how to be proper ACS boys, and then they will be able to grow to be men of significance and stature in society today, like the many many generations of boys before us have. And then they will be ready to carry the school name well (But sadly, I doubt it).

I hope my bad day ends here. Im going to clarke quay to watch the singapore and malaysia match with some friends later, hopefully I can forget all this shit. Haha

No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white;
Just our hands clasped so tight,
Waiting for the hint of a spark.
If heaven and hell both decide,
That they both are satisfied,
Illuminate the "no's" on their vacancy signs.
If there's no one beside you,
when your soul embarks;
then I'll follow you into the dark.



i love this song, its so meaningful. LOL WTF but its damn emo im so emo now why whyyyyyyyyyyyyy

love of mine

Im really tired. Barker only calls me at about 7am each morning, they give me about an hour to get to school. As I am still in bed when they call me, and I take about 20 minutes to get fully ready, you can understand that I end up taking cabs everyday. Its not that bad, only about $7 from my house to Barker, only that I have to cough up another $4 for calling the cab, $2 for peak hour surcharge and $1 for ERP. Thats $14 wasted, but sigh what can I do, they always call too late for me to take a bus through peak hour traffic. Considering I earn $65 a day, if you minus cpf and cab fare I only get about $40 back. Can I say a vulgarity now? Thanks. FUCK

Most of the kids in barker are ok, they respect me because I give them more freedom than a normal teacher would. But some kids are really damn cock up. SOME, really... Wish I could say more here but I'm a teacher now haha. Anyways I'm secretly hoping they dont call me tomorrow, I'm too tired. Been sleeping 2-4 hours a day for the last 3 days because if you know me well enough you'll know I only get to sleep around 3am. Shag to hell man. Shagged to hell.

I've been cycling daily for the last 2 days too. My legs and butt hurt like shit. Even the best, most comfy bike saddle KILLS la hahaha. But the GT agressor really is damn sexy to ride, the brakes are really responsive, and suspension is so good it even damps when I brake, the gears shift much faster than a normal bike, and it has killer looks. Woohoo.

But I've been pretty depressed lately. Things are not going well in my life.

Yeah I know it must be real boring to read this update cause its just whining and shit. Maybe I'll compose more fun stuff when I'm happy again.



But its nothing to cry about;
cause we'll hold each other soon.

ventures' night


good food, nice ambience.
generations of alumni,
loads of catching up,
tons of fun.

ok qing im sorry i had to post this pic of you looking so unglam and queer but its the only v. night photo i have since i just stole them from AT's friendster haha.

Haha I cant believe I deleted my first post of 2007, but I did. What a way to start the new year! Nevermind, that way, when I look back at the events of yesterday night, I'll be able to remember clearly and remind myself not to let it happen again.I did make my New Year's resolution last night though, it was one of the last things I remember doing before waking up at 430pm today, haha.

Since its New Year we should also remember the poem 'God Knows' by M. Louise Baskins that they print in almost every ACS school publication, where it is known as the Knight's Prayer:

And I said to the man who stood at the gate of the year:
"Give me a light,
that i may thread safely into the unknown."

And he replied:
"Go out into the darkness and put your hand into the Hand of God. That shall be to you better than light and safer than a known way."

In many ways this prayer is significant today, now that we are no longer schooling and are free to do anything we want. The future holds many possibilites and challenges, and only through God will we be able to tide through these periods.

Oh and look GY a paragraph in my pseudo first post of the year dedicated to you. GY is back in Singapore people!! Stay off BNet to avoid his trail of destruction. No la, I'm really pleased that he's back, he's like the glue that gets all of 2se1 on BNet to play DotA and stuff. BNet has been pretty boring without him online, I hardly play with the 2se1 people and its real boring winning every game with the sOz people. So its good that he's back and I'll start losing again. Cheers GY

And because I did not mass send SMSes wishing everyone a Happy New Year this time, a routine which i have followed fervently since like forever. I would like to wish you and your loved ones a splendid New Year, and I really hope this will be a GREAT YEAR for everybody I know.

LOVE YA'LL ALWAYS